Stop falling in love with everyone you meet
Last night was crazy amazing insane. Following ren who chased musicians around who had left there keys at the hard rock. Frankie’s till close, kinselas till even later. Drunk managers turning up and trying to steal my wig. Breaking into places just to see what was there, cutting my leg open on wire fences. Getting chased out. Then sleeping in Hyde park on the shoulder of one of my best friends in this world, then straight back to work. Nights like these are amazing, I love the hard rock. Just have to limit the amount of times per week nights like these exist and I’ll be fine
I am such an awkward person and there should be a course on how to flirt back with someone. No one is ever going to ask me out on a date if I keep turning into a mute every time I think someone is interested in me
A soul fated to its container: an interchangeable bell jar, my relative madness. The soul slips through the hour glass.
The sand in my ideas pools to fill a temporary identity and each second I learn confidence in its weight as it grows heavy. I soon love each granule and trust the substance of my mind.
But this identity is fleeting. As the time glass is flipped, my soul starts slipping rapidly through its container, drip by drip.
I lose everything in this hour, and everything I believe has shifted within myself. It lacks it’s original substance and weight and I no longer know myself. The ideas have formulated to become something I can’t value. I am my paradox again.
I have no absolute truths in my transitioning existence. My soul constantly in movement, the mirror greets someone new everyday.
I am growing exhausted. As a powerless passenger of time the hourly fall between polarities is far too great a distance and happens far too regularly. I am forever lost in the movement and my mind is bruised and untrustworthy.
Yes I realise I am a mess. Yes I realise I actually never make sense anymore. Yes I realise my drinking is becoming a problem. Yes I am serious about getting better. Yes I’m going to fix it. And yes I’m going to be okay and I’m going to be an amazing person and anyone who’s ever doubted me will be incredibly sorry
I am a joke of a human being and my life is a mess